you had demons to kill...

[luni]

If death is the answer to love's mysteries,

[/i]
Then bleed on my darling to the sound of a dream.[/color][/b][/size][/font]

---

The aroma of coffee filled the air; naturally, it would be the most predominant smell, considering the actual place was a coffee shop. Yet is was induced with a few other scents too, these including baked muffins, and a sugary aroma that just hinted at the tantalising taste of the purchases that were on sale here. Not to mention the light breeze of cinnamon that was sent his way. Kalle twiddled with his thumbs, unnaturally now bending them backwards so their tips almost touched his hands. He had extremely flexible hands – basically all his body to be precise. He was an adequate gymnast, it had just never interested him, and he wasn’t professional. With a sigh, the intelligent yet not intelligent male glanced across his table. ”Veera, would you consent to leaving me alone for an hour or so, I need to think.”

Veera Dawson was his psychologist, and while he didn’t know her that well, he knew that this question would most likely procure a negative response. It was stupid, him being followed around by someone. True, she only came along when he went somewhere unplanned; if he had known he was coming here a week ago, she would not have come. She seemed to expect him to do something strange that was worth recording if he decided ‘oh yes, I think I shall go out for coffee in a coffee shop like a normal person’. It made him angry how little she thought of him. He wasn’t insane, he just had a rare disorder. He knew he had MPD unlike some other people, as he had been recorded while in one of his alter egos, and seen the way he had changed, while having no recollection of the event.

The woman in question glanced up from her still-hot cappuccino, giving him a searching look. His request was completely innocent, and truth be told, she was getting a little fed up of having to tail Kalle all this time. He was a grown man, he should be able to go on his own. Unfortunately, the therapist he had seen before her had detailed his case as needing constant attention. Really, in the half a year or so Veera had spent with him, she hadn’t seen that many incidents. Sure, at least once a week he suffered from a quick bout of his disorder, but usually it was Louhi, the child, and she was easy to deal with. She had never seen Tait, and Esteri only twice, in both of which he had just sat down stony faced and complained about his ‘husband’. There was also the incident with the male from the bar, but he had been poking fun at Kalle, calling him a fag. It was natural for anyone to react, although maybe not try to strangle the guy.

It had been provoked however, so he hadn’t got a warning or anything for it. The last unusual thing that had happened had been around a fortnight ago when he had watched the film ‘Marley and Me’. He had completely broken down in his seat in the cinema and sobbed when the dog had been put down, which was weird. Veera had thought at the start he had had a bout of being Louhi, but he was still unmistakably Kalle. It was the first time she had ever seen him truly cry. He didn’t cry at many things, but through careful coaxing she had learnt that later that day his own dog had been forcibly put down because his parents had no time for the animal. He had only been young, so naturally he had been upset, having lost his best friend.

Considering his request, she glanced out of the coffee window. Honestly, she was bored, just having to sit here drinking coffee while he did nothing. It was her niece’s birthday soon, in less than a month, and while that didn’t seem much of a priority, she still had to buy the present, wrap it and send it via air to where her niece actually lived, in Australia. She didn’t know how long it would take to get there; she wasn’t familiar with the air times for sending packages. Just across the road there was a boutique with clothes she thought her fifteen year old niece would wear, and she knew her sizes from having gotten them for her mum. ”Alright.” She said finally. Kalle looked up in slight surprise. He had never thought she would comply to his request. He gave her a smile. ”Thank you, Veera.” She nodded and stood up, draining the last dregs of her drink before sliding on her coat and picking up her bag. ”Listen, Kalle, I’m trusting you. Don’t leave this coffee shop, for anything. I’ll only be an hour, hour and a half, tops.” She planned on getting the present gift wrapped and posted while she had the chance also.

The male looked ecstatic and stood, darting to her side to embrace her in a friendly hug. ”Thank you again darling, I promise you shall not regret letting me be alone.” He called everyone names such as ‘darling’ or ‘love’, despite his relationship with them. Veera looked uncomfortable and gently but firmly prised him away. There was a more or less no contact rule between the two because of her status as his psychologist, and he sometimes forgot that. Oh, he never did anything more than hugged her, but even that was unprofessional. ”See you soon then. Remember, stay here.” With that, she left the shop, and the baron clapped his hands and twirled in delight. He must have looked pretty weird doing that. Moving over to the counter, he ordered another drink, this time a hot chocolate. Paying for the liquid, he walked back over to his table, humming some lyrics under his breath. They were not his own, as he never sang them in public even under his breath, but a song by one of his favourite bands. He really did love that band.

Sitting back down, he tapped his finger on the table, letting his mind wander. Usually, he had to stay focused on one thing as apparently it helped his mental abilities. Again, he was not considered intelligent when he really was. It was just overshadowed by all his other traits. But now he was free to be as dreamy, as in daydream, as much as he wanted. And he liked it.[/color][/size][/font][/center]

[zadyr]

{ and if you see me please just walk on by }

FAILED ATTEMPTS AT LIVING SIMPLE LIVES
are what keep me coming back to you !

It was too early, or at least for the young rocker as he rolled over on his uncomfortable bunk on the tour bus. He groaned lightly and picked up his blackberry, it was vibrating and he heard the soft buz in his half asleep daze. Rolling on to his back, the blue haired teen rubbed his eyes and yawned before checking his messages, it was Kiko telling him to 'get his ass outta bed' because it was nearly noon. Noon was too early for a boy who had spent the night before drinking, shooting up and hitting up on all the girls – and boys alike. He sighed and sat up slowly, ignoring the vertigo as he raked a hand back through his mess of cotton candy blue locks. He looked at the time on his phone with a disdainful look before scrunching his nose and sliding out of the bed; bare feet hitting the floor as he padded along to the tour bus bathroom. He glanced at the mirror and grimaced, he looked like hell. Zadyr washed off all the old make up from the party... parties, the night before, and then systimatically reapplied his smudged charcoal eye liner on the lower lips as his focus and lightly along his upper eye lids to frame his crystal blue eyes. He made a face in the mirror before sighing, it would have to do for now. He needed coffee. And he needed it now.

Walking back to his drawers, he rummaged through his clothes and plucked out a pair of zebra striped black skinnies, a white tee shirt with then a black hoodie on over it. Pulling the hood up over his head to conceal most of his hair, the youth plopped down on the couch and pulled on socks and then bright red converse hi-tops, taking the time to lace the bleached white laces perfectly before standing and checking his phone. Wow, he had gotten around with time to spare, maybe he would miss the lunch break rush at the closest coffee shop he could find. It would be a risk, stepping out into London streets all by himself with obvious and highly noticeable blue hair – he would most likely get spotted before he reached his destination and this made him a little uncomfortable. Sure he loved his fans some times, but at the last show he was groped and nearly fell off the stage because some girl couldn't keep her hands to herself. Needless to say mister Zadyr was not pleased and promptly moved away from that area of the stage and opted to be in front of a group of guys, they tended to grab at him less.

Stepping out of the bus, Zadyr lit up casually as he glanced from side to side to see if any other band people were around. He saw a few techies and his band's merch kid but no one he felt like talking to. Taking a long drag as he walked off in the direction off the tour set, Zadyr exhaled the trail of smoke to the side and away from him as he tried to back track and remember where the closest coffee shop was. It didn't take him long to remember where this cute little mom and pop place, and he turned the corner and on to a street he had no idea the name. It also didn't take long for his brightly colored hair to be spotted in the lingering crowds of people. Putting out his nearly finished cigarette, the youth heard a voice finally call out from behind him. 'Hey, aren't you Zadyr from Who Killed Marilyn?!' one girl shouted as he kept walking in the direction of the coffee place still, though he thought it'd be rude if he ignored her so he turned slightly and grinned. ”Yeah, babe. Thats me, but I'm a little busy so hit me up. Myspace me, fer sure.” He winked playfully before practically running into the coffee place. He sighed with relief, knowing the staff here would escort fangirls out if they weren't buying, so he could relax some.

Walking up to the register, Zadyr put on his classic wide smile and playful expression as he leaned against the counter and spoke to the girl behind it. ”I'm back, sweet heart, so just give me the usual and I won't be tempted to flirt more.” He teased as she laughed and shook her head, moving away to pour his cup of steaming hot freshly brewed coffee. This brought a less hung over and lop sided smile to his features as he shifted and turned to look around. There were only a couple people in the building at this time, which was pleasing for the bassist, maybe a couple of spread out regulars just sitting and enjoying themselves. His blue eyed gaze fell on a familiar figure, watching him curiously as he stood and hugged this woman before she turned and left. Who was that? He blinked before hearing the woman come back to the counter, 'Here you go, Zadyr.” The woman laughed as he jumped a little and flipped around, taking the cup with a wide grin. ”Aw, thanks, darling.” He winked before turning back around to find a place to sit and enjoy this wonderful cup of coffee.

Deciding to walk over to Kalle, Zadyr looked him over curiously before waving a little. ”Hey, can I sit with you?” Zadyr had never actually talked to Kalle before, only had he even breifly been around the other during shows and such. But even so, Zadyr knew his name was Kalle and he looked cool enough to go out of his way and talk to. He figured with his charming features... and brightly colored 'natural' hair, Zadyr would most likely be in the other's memory banks somewhere. It was hard to forget the strange little eighteen year old – practically the youngest on tour, and known widely for his heavy drinking, smoking and hard core partying with his band. Though as of late he had been trying to contain his crazy wild actions and keep his name out of the tabloids as much as possible. This was harder than it looks. With a smile holding, still wanting to be friendly, Zadyr added, ”I've seen you around just never got the chance to come over and talk. I'm Zadyr, nice to meet you.” He held out his free hand for Kalle to shake, the other gingerly gripping his paper cup, bring it to his lips so he could sip at it a little. Ouch, too hot. He shifted his weight and glanced outside at the squealing and giggling girls who were staring and pointing at him from across the street. He inwardly sighed, wishing they would just calm down enough to talk to him and not treat him like some idol in a Disney boy band.

word count: 1161
music: Drones – Rise Against
notes: hope you don't mind =}
tag: kalle ![/size][/blockquote]

[luni]

Love preys the living and praises the dead,

[/i]
In the heart of our hearts, by death we were wed.[/color][/b][/size][/font]

---

The drink was soothing to his overworked senses, and for some time, the male just sat still, enjoying the tranquillity. The scents, sights and sounds all served to calm him down to a state that wasn’t too easy to achieve for him. He tended to always be buzzing inside with thoughts and notions that scrambled up together, making it sometimes hard to just pick out one idea and put it forward. Currently, his only idea was to relax and enjoy this brief reprieve from the constant war that was his head. It was sometimes easier to do this than other days, and today seemed to be the right time that he was able to actually do nothing. Even think nothing, at all. Stirring the small teaspoon in his hot chocolate, he scooped up one of the little floating marshmallows and brought it to his sculpted lips. He had not had one of these in ages; it was a true testament of a good coffee shop. He got little marshmallows in his hot chocolate. Yes, that made the male happy. Just as little things could make him mad, little things could also make him ecstatic. It was reversed. Things that seemed normal to other people (such as having marshmallows in their bough drink) made him feel ecstatic, as if he were special. It was weird, even he knew that, but it was just him. He could remember a few times where he had made such a response to things he had gotten weird looks.

One memorable time being when he had been on stage, and he had had a simple teddy thrown at him. It could easily fit in his palm, and was in the shape of, you guessed it, a bear. It wasn’t anything remarkable; no inscriptions or extra adornments on its frame, but yet it made the virile so joy filled he actually stopped halfway through one of their concerts. Thankfully, it was the end of a song. Anyway, he had made such a fuss over the stuffed toy, hugging it to his chest, that the fans had started to get restless, wanting to be addressed or be played another song. All except for one girl in the front row who sat there with a beatific smile on her face, simply because someone she was obviously a fan of liked her gift that much. His band mates had managed to make a joke out of it, and any upcoming crisis was averted thankfully. What had he done? He had taken out a handy sharpie from his pocket and wrote on the bears back, throwing it out to the girl. Later that week, he had gotten a call from a ‘Syeirah’ and met up with her. Nah, nothing happened, but he had stayed friends with her. Unlike many screaming fans, she hadn’t tried to sue him at all, or make a move. He was grateful for that.

He had a lot to be grateful for really. Indeed, the time when he did bad things, although they were pronounced into he tabloids, weren’t that bad. Anyway, most of the time when he did something wrong he got cover ups, necessary to continue hiding his mental disabilities from his fans and other people. Really, hardly anyone knew about them at all. His band did, and manager, but not many other people. In people in his business (namely people in bands, though not in his) saw something weird happening to him and started asking questions, they were told the truth and it was stressed upon them never to tell anyone about his problems. It was not a matter of life or death; there were no threats placed upon them, but it was stressed the importance of not letting Kalle’s... disabilities, as they were formerly called as those who knew about them, be known to the general public. No one knew the reaction it could cause, whether it be of disgust or support. Even so, one thing he knew was that if the media ever got hold of it, whether just a smidgen of the truth or the whole truth, they would blow it up to large proportions, so much that it would make him seem a lot worse than he was. He would not be able to stand being branded a ‘psycho’ in public, when in reality he just needed some anger management classes. A few other things also, but it wasn’t that important. Not to him anyway
.
His attention was momentarily caught from his pondering by the small bell atop the coffee shop door. Its tinkling sound made his charred crania lift a little, just to specifically focus on the bell. Its tiny, silver body shook near the edge of the windowed shutter, releasing its chime. To be honest, he was rather fascinated, and could have spent another hour or so contemplating the bell, and enjoying each delightful sound it made from its moulded metal form. He would have kept his occuli fixed on the little source of enjoyment if it weren’t that his eyes were naturally drawn to another interesting thing. Bright blue hair had entered the shop just after the bell rang, so suffice to say it was the young male owning the bright tresses that had made the charming noise. He chuckled softly, studying the owner more carefully. The material clothing his smaller body was most definitely erratic, but in amused Kalle in a way that he was willing to not just judge on first appearances, as he had got used to. Or rather, he did actually judge him at a first look. He looked interesting, therefore he must be interesting. It had to be so. Indeed, the male caught the other looking at him as he ordered his own drink. Perhaps he himself was interesting. He never really thought of himself as anything special; he didn’t have self esteem, he just didn’t care how he seemed to other people, so there was no point him finding out things. ”Hi, I’m Kalle, and I’m interesting.” It sounded really silly.

The blue haired boy walked over to him, and the black haired man was pretty sure he knew him, now that he thought normally about it. But, he tended not to go many places other than his shows and around wherever the buses stopped. Sometimes a hotel, yes, when they stopped for a short period of time and he got exasperated with sleeping in the same place as so many people. ”Hey, can I sit with you?” The male blinked and glanced up more, nodding in affirmation, though then he thought he may as well agree with words. He found the simple move misleading sometimes. ”If you want.” He said this simply with a small shrug to himself. He did believe, now that he looked over the younger male more, that he did actually know him, if on just sight. He didn’t recall ever talking to him though. More words were spoken to his ears, and a small grin filtered its way onto his velvet lappets. ”Yeah, the same situation here. Hello Zadyr, the name is Kalle. Likewise, a pleasure to make your acquaintance” he greeted, porcelain skinned hand reaching out to grasp the others in a firm yet gentle grip, smooth skin meeting the other’s limb. ”Again, feel free to sit down. I am sure it must be tiring, standing up, and perhaps then you would not be quite so conspicuous to the general... that small group of females across the road from this establishment.” He gave the boy a brilliant smile, designed to charm in a superficial way. Not for any relation, but just to calm and make the other trust him more.

[/center]
word count: 1286
music: Bleed Well – HIM
note: not at all :3
tag: zadyr ~ [/color][/size][/font]

[zadyr]

{ and if you see me please just walk on by }

FAILED ATTEMPTS AT LIVING SIMPLE LIVES
are what keep me coming back to you !

It was considered rude in Zadyr's mind to wear a hood indoors, so as he walked in to the cafe, both hands gingerly tugged the hood down and let it drop around his shoulders. This left his usually straightened but rather unruly thick blue locks flop about and curl together in a mop of full bodied almost shoulder length hair. Raking a hand through it, he pulled it back out of his face, letting the shorter strands – which could be considered bangs, curve around his jaw and frame his boyish face. He was only eighteen, so the youth wasn't exactly expected to look 'manly' or adult like. He barely had what could be considered facial hair yet and was still lanky and thin like a teenage boy. Or it could be the drugs, heavy partying, and the fact he spent at least a good third of his time next to boiling hot flames; sweating away empty calories from the food he barely eats. Some days Zadyr was surprised he still maintained a relatively healthy look. Though his constant appearance of dark circle and puffy rings under his eyes made him resort to more cosmetic out lets. For such untimely markers for his lack of sleep, Zadyr found that hemorrhoid cream got rid of the darkened spots with little effort. It was a little gross, but when it came to looking like the idol most girls thought he was – Zadyr would do nearly anything.

While waited for his coffee, blue eyes traveled back to the girls who waited anxiously to get a glimpse of him. He inwardly grinned at his small ego boost, loving the fact he was so adored. This time he was grateful they kept a respectable distance, unlike American girls who couldn't keep their hands off and stole your clothes if you ever tried to take a shower out side of a hotel or tour bus. Annoying much? One of the girls looked rather familiar, but he decided to minimize the fuss and not go out to see for sure. His curiosity could wait and look for her at the shows. A little yawn left him as he walked away from his flirts and small talk with the young woman behind the register as he gripped his coffee tenderly. It was precious to him right now. For Zadyr, noon meant eight in the morning on a weekend. This was not what he called fun and if he had wanted to be up during the day all day and every day he would have picked a different career choice. Personally, Zadyr loved the night life and the party scene and he really enjoyed being a part of his band. They were like his family in a weird way and even though Lars treated him like a baby, he still enjoyed every minute of touring and recording and anything in between. This was his life and even though at the hiccups and moments of reality, life tended to suck something awful, Zadyr still thanked his lucky stars he had made it this far in such a short amount of time.

Zadyr was honestly a little uncomfortable about approaching the other, what if he was wrong and his dulled head ache and stunted hang over made him think he was the person he thought it was? That would really be embarrassing. It would be all, “Hey, aren't you Kalle?” “No, sorry.” Then what? How could he just be rude and walk away after something that stupid? Zadyr was only rude in very few instances, mostly when he was strung up, high or drunk. But occasionally he'll feel the need to go completely crazy, like when some stupid new techie dropped his pride and joy and he had to get her fixed before he could even walk back out on stage. He tried not to be a huge diva about being in a band, but that was the one thing he was overly stressed and picky about – the tender loving care of his bass. He had made that very clear to everyone as soon as his band became part of this tour. He would not go on stage without his bass, and he would throw a tantrum over it every single time. He surprisingly hadn't been kicked out yet, so maybe they figured it was acceptable being that was his biggest issue. His drug use was generally kept under the wraps and his partying only sometimes made it to the press. He was a generally friendly kid and put on an amazing show each time he walked out on stage and played. So they must just go with the flow and let his touchy outbursts slide.

Despite his worries, the blue haired bassist still walked over to the dark haired man and introduced himself and awaited impatiently to know if he could take a seat and talk with him. Rather surprised by his calm actions and pleasant response, not usually getting it from strangers he went out of his way to talk to, Zadyr let a simple smile curve his lips as he eagerly took a seat across from the other and gingerly shook his hand. It was a small joy that came from talking and greeting new people, Zadyr was a social based person and found that the company of others – sexual or just platonic – was more enjoyable then the company he could provide himself. He couldn't stand being a lone and thought it was weird for others to think it was fun. It wasn't. Ever. Shifting in his seat, a friendly smile still plastered across his rather goofy features as he awkwardly listened to him with wide eyeliner rimmed eyes. Nodding lightly, visibly pleased to know he had guessed right when it came to the identity of the other, Zadyr glanced back down at his coffee and took a small sip. It was still a little too hot to drink much at a time, but it was quickly cooling. ”Yeah, I figured coming and talking to you would be more productive... and a hell of a lot safer, than going back outside.” He laughed a little, a small but friendly chuckle as he looked back over and up at Kalle. Well, he still looked friendly, maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Blinking curiously at the other for a few moments, Zadyr then looked over at the group of maybe five or six teenage girls who stood patiently waiting for him to come out with wide eyes and a starstruck gaze. How cute. A grin captured his finer features as he absorbed the little bit of fame he felt before turning back to Kalle. He knew he was in one of the more popular and head lining bands of the tour, so he naturally had more fans, but he hated feeling like a jerk about it. Especially to other people within the tour, it was just down right rude and to him, everyone he hung out with and talked to on tour – crew and band alike – were like his extended family and he learned real early not to sh't where you eat. Do not piss in the pool. Ever. There were too many bad things that could go wrong on this tour and personally Zadyr would love to keep his face and hair in tact. Thank you very much. But he shifted and shook his head with a playful grin, ”Yeah, at least they're keeping their distance. But I'm fearing for Who Killed Marilyn's next show, haha.” It was always the quiet and cute girls who become crazed groupies at the shows. But he blinked curiously and looked back at Kalle. ”I feel really stupid for not knowing already, but how long have you been on tour with us? I know I've seen you around, but I'll feel like a jackass if you've been around this whole time and I have only just now started talking to you.” He grinned sheepishly, hoping that maybe the other had some excuse and made him feel better about not getting the chance to talk to him. Maybe he was more of a hermit and didn't party like the other bands? He could be one of those people who just chilled out in the buses or with their crew and stuck close by to the tour instead of going out for after show parties...

word count: 1405
music: Don't Trust Me -- 3oh!3
notes: woo long post. haha.
tag: kalle ![/size][/blockquote]

[luni]

So come share your tears with me

[/i]
And witness it all go wrong[/color][/b][/size][/font]

---

A soft smile was permanently caressing the charred crania of the male, smooth, sculpted lips upturning to just show a hint of mystique. He was allowed to do that, no one had ever said to him that he couldn’t, so he would. Now, had his psychologist person been here, he was in no doubt she would have asked him what he was grinning about, however slight the mouth motion was. In fact, she would have quizzed him about it straight away, even in front of the teen that now sat across from him. He knew it was her job, but sometimes it got boring. All his actions had to be spoken for. Something so simple as crossing his legs could be important. It was as if he was expected to be hiding a dagger in his pocket, and he was just getting better access so he could throw it at a random person. That was ridiculous; he would choose his target. No, that was a lie. It was just an amusing though in his Ferris wheel of the mind. That was actually a pretty apt description. It was colourful, span round, large, some people loved it and some people hated it. Low or high, a blue box or a pink one, or perhaps even multi coloured. It depended on the day really. Suffice to say, once people had been on the ride, it was not certain whether they would ever come back, or even want to get off.

But back to his therapeutic tendencies. Veera Dawson was nice enough; she was better than the female they had sent before. Though not as good as the male before that. Kalle could be very charming, sensual and even seductive when he wanted to be. In all honesty, the male had gotten caught up in his web of a mind and was currently receiving treatment in a completely different country. Kalle could do that to people; send them fearing for their sanity. His last psychologist before Veera had been Ingrid Tiran, just out of university. She just said, after a week, she didn’t believe anything was wrong with him. She was wrong naturally, but she never found that out. Then came a month in which he was alone, and strangely, it felt weird to him. He had gotten so used to waking up in his bunk along with his band mates, and walking out to see someone sat on the couch, looking pristine and then asking him if he slept well. Once, he had gone into the living room and just said something automatically. ”Yeah, I slept fine thanks love”[/color] he had said. This had naturally earnt him a very weirded-out look from his band’s guitarist. He had to say he didn’t blame the person. If someone randomly walked out of the bedroom, said something about sleeping fine and called him love to top it all off, he too would be freaked out. It just happened to be that he had forgotten no one would ask him the question. That had sparked some humour, and he still had jokes thrown at him for it. He didn’t mind though.

One thing that he didn’t lose his temper at was good natured jokes. The ones that were designed to hurt him, yes, he got angry pretty easily at those, but ones that were just exchanged in a good felt banter between friends were fine. One thing he would not have people making fun of were his lips. His lips? Yes, his lips; not something material, seeing as he didn’t play an instrument, but a body part. And not the most obvious either. He didn’t obsess over his chest or his hair or things, just his mouth. His lappets were full and almost chiselled. They were the only part of him that he could actually call perfect. The only drawback was (though it wasn’t a drawback to him) put some lip gloss on and he could pass as a girl almost. He didn’t mind though, and he didn’t exactly wear anything on the flesh, so it wasn’t even relevant. He also liked his own eyes, and pale skin tone. The latter spoke for itself, but his occuli were a milky green, like the colour of crème de menthe, but more deeper and fathomless. Also, acidic when he was angry, like bubbling poison. These were always surrounded by an expertly applied layer of eyeliner, though he never used eyeshadow. He wasn’t ashamed to admit it, but he had used mascara before, just as a dare. Finding he quite liked the effect, he used it on stage to make his chasms stand out more. Not on dates or anything. The truth, he didn’t go out on many dates. He didn’t really see the point in them.

Well, he did see how they could appeal to the masses. However, he wasn’t into relationships that much. He was ashamed to say that he preferred friends with benefits, or simply one night stands. He wasn’t a whore, and he always played it safe (he even liked to contact the people afterwards; it was usually those who said they didn’t want more) but he would go for a long standing relationship if he could. He was just absolute dog crap at keeping them. He had tried, indeed, but his lifestyle, problems and ways just pushed people away. He did socialize a lot, but not in the usual way. He was more likely to be seen observing than mingling. Ah, but he had gotten off track here. A while ago he had been thinking about his psychologist, Veera Dawson. She was nice enough, his favourite yet; not because she was pretty, he wasn’t shallow, but because she actually trusted him a little more than others did. She kept the boundaries set firmly, but had been known to bend a few rules for him. Like now, leaving him alone. He didn’t think that the other male would have approached him if he had been with his... ‘friend’. He sometimes wanted to think of her as a babysitter, even though he wasn’t a baby. Because, effectively, that’s what she did. Babysat him. ”I have to agree with that, darling. It most likely gets tiresome for you.”[/color] Again, his tonals were smooth and brilliantly sounded. He didn’t talk exactly the same as other people. Perhaps it was because as a child he hadn’t been around many, so he had gotten his speech off of other things, books or programmes maybe.

Kalle also never used contractions; I am never became I’m, do not ever became don’t. Another thing different about his way of speaking was he used pet names for people he only just knew, and already knew, such as ‘love’, ‘darling’ or ‘sweetie’. Some people felt uncomfortable with it, but it wasn’t something he could just simply stop doing. It was a reinforced habit, and if someone hated it, well, too bad. That sucks for them. He simply watched as the boy himself watched the girls across the street. While Kalle was probably the most known person of his own band, as somehow he just had been, he kept to himself a lot. He had fans yes, but he was sure that if any came in they would be momentarily diverted by the blue haired teenager across from him. Shifting slightly, he took another sip of his hot chocolate, absently swallowing one of the marshmallows before grimacing. They had gone all soft and squidgy, if that made sense; weren’t they already? Either way, he didn’t like them like this. Scooping them out, he placed them on his little plate before taking another small gulp of his still relatively hot drink. ”I am sure it shall be fine. Just do not stand close to the edge and you should not be attacked by random hands.”[/color] He gave a seemingly wise nod before laughing out loud, the sound incorporating different twines, a bit like the bell atop the door. Sometimes, he amused himself, and that was fine with him. The younger male’s admission made him raise a finely arched eyebrow. Kalle didn’t like making other people feel bad, but it seemed he had no choice. He wasn’t just going to lie to make this boy feel better. ”I have been here since the tour started. I do not take it personally; I do go out with the rest of the tour usually, but I am one to stand in the corner and watch rather than participate in things. I only go because I do not like buses. Yes, I am touring in buses and I do not like them. It is weird, I know. I do not spend much time in one, I usually wander around when I can. And yourself? I have seen you, but while I enjoy stimulating conversation love, I do not approach people.” If he had, Kalle hadn’t meant to make him feel stupid, he was just being honest after all.

[/center]word count:1497
music: Fourth Drink Instinct – Cute Is What We Aim For
notes: woo, feel bad >D hehe
tags: zadyr ~

[/color][/size][/font]

[zadyr]

{ and if you see me please just walk on by }

FAILED ATTEMPTS AT LIVING SIMPLE LIVES
are what keep me coming back to you !

With a little shrug, Zadyr stifled a yawn into the back of his hand and grinned lightly. ”It does some days, but I donno... I kinda enjoy the enthusiasm. Its just when they corner me with fake back stage passes by my bus and tell me they want my children...” He paused with a slightly horrified and traumatized expression, that had happened at their last stop. Really frightening actually, he of course was tripping at the time so he was even more upset over the matter and locked himself up in the bus until the next concert. But after a second, he just laughed and shook his head again, ”If they stay over there, it'll all be cool. The only time I like girls all over me is at the after show parties... and even then only if they're legal.” It was the honest truth for Zadyr, he loved his fans and he loved to have fun. It had to be on his terms though, and he really didn't appreciate his space being invaded. He hadn't been a rock star long enough to know that he had no sacred personal life and everything was public knowledge whether he liked it or not. Once this became clear in his little brain, the youth might not enjoy life as much... Hopefully with time he'll learn to behave himself a little better, but whats the life of a rock star without sex, drugs and rock and roll? Not even noting the other's pet name, Zadyr not being one to really care all that much about cute names and such, the blue haired youth took another sip of his coffee and absorbed the warmth and fed his addiction. Yes, addiction. Just one more to add to the list of his current addictions. E, cigarettes, alcohol and coffee. Joy. He was actually relatively clean right now, they had a mini interview yesterday so he couldn't show up strung up... not exactly the best idea. But today he was recovering from a nasty hang over.

Curious blue eyes watched Kalle as he scooped out and set aside his marshmallows. How interesting. He took another sip of his cooling coffee and hid a rather amused expression before nodding to his next statement. ”Yeah, I always forget that once the music starts...” Zadyr was the anxious musician who paced backstage and chewed on his nails – a nasty habit but he did it none the less – waiting for his turn to hop up on stage. He got all worked up over even the smaller concerts, always has. The fact that he could play for an audience and have people love him was the most amazing experience for the young bassist. It was better than sex some days. He just got so excited being up there he forgot to keep a healthy distance when fan girls grabbed at him, and he forgot that crowd surfing wasn't as fun as it looked...and so on. He had a bunch of fun stories about his currently short music career and he was optimistic things would continue to be amazing and mind blowing whilst being a part of Pyromania Tour. This was his first big tour, and the first ever time playing over seas so naturally the boy was amped and anxious about it all. He could barely sleep – well, correction. Zadyr barely slept as it was, but when he tried to those rare moments, he found it difficult to close his eyes because it just made him so happy. Like a little kid on Christmas eve waiting for Santa to bring his presents. With a shrug, he continued with a playful and relatively meaningless flick of the wrist. ”I can't help but give my lovely fans what they want. They control my future after all, and its so flattering how much they love me!” He laughed lightly, more of a half chuckle as he took another drink and looked back out at the girls. There were only two now, most likely the more die hard fans who really wanted to see him. They were sitting on the curb now, one talking on her phone excitedly – about him he assumed – and the other was listening to her iPod and texting. They seemed calm... from what he could tell, maybe he'd stop and say hi on his way out once he was done here.

Zadyr may be a little ditsy and air headed, but he tried his hardest not to let the fame get to his head and ignore his fans. He remembered how annoying that was when he was going to other band's concerts and trying to meet them and talk to them. So he knew how that was frustrating and really tried to stay as down to earth as possible. Though this became difficult and he sometimes even forgot to get to know the other bands and people who were following or working for the tour. Such was the case with Kalle. And boy did his little speech make Zadyr feel like shit. He shifted awkwardly and swallowed hard, trying not to visibly squirm anymore as Kalle spoke. ”Ah, I see. Er, well... heh. Sorry, man. I'm still new to this and my memories real bad...” He tried to make himself look less bad by explaining himself, it was all true but he still wanted to make sure Kalle knew he wasn't a dick who ignored people and was really self absorbed. He was just oblivious most of the time. When he spoke about tour buses, Zadyr scrunched his nose a little. ”The bus we have isn't bad... but I just need a change of scenery and have a completely different sleeping schedule than my band so its really hectic. Hah.” Zadyr loathed tour buses, with a passion like no other. He was just being polite just in case someone from the management or tour staff heard him. At the last show, it got pretty toasty and Zadyr had a feeling it wasn't by accident... the fire got pretty dangerous and he would rather not piss anyone off and fall over dead of dehydration. He was already unhealthy, lets not make it worse for him.

When Kalle asked about him and the tour, Zadyr got a rather childish grin on his features as he nearly shook with excitement. ”This is my first international tour, I'm so stoked! Like, I've been with Who Killed Marilyn? for awhile, but never been over seas or anywhere near this popular!” This had to be his dream come true and he was obviously really happy about it. Taking another drink of his coffee, the bassist suppressed a yawn and silently cursed his band mate for waking him. They didn't have anything planned today and so he really had no need to be awake. Damn woman, always ruining his sleep... he sighed inwardly and then moved on. ”Have you been on a lot of tours? Why don't you talk to people at the parties?” He tried not to harass him with questions, but he was really curious now that he got going and was a little more awake. It showed in his more animated hand motions and eye contact, his tones fluctuating a little more as he became a little more interested in the conversation they were having. Being pretty much the baby of the tour, Zadyr still acted like a child. It most likely didn't help that he was treated like one as well, but in either case he was probably the youngest of all the bands. This showed with his much smaller track record and experience, and with his amazing amount of curious questions. He tried to make up for his immaturity by putting on an amazing show each time and appealing to his fans and trying not to pick fights with the press. This was much harder than it looked because the boy was moody like a teenager still and relatively hot headed and sharp tongued. So he really tried to just avoid the paparazzi and not start a fight with every prick who cornered him and flashed those damn bright lights in his face.

word count: 1361
music: Three Days Grace playlist
notes: sorry this ones a little short =\
tag: kalle ![/size][/blockquote]

[luni]

Hold me, like you held onto life,

[/i]
When all fears came alive and into me.[/color][/b][/size][/font]

---

The crisp sound of his cup being placed back on the saucer rang out, diverting his interest for a few seconds. It was quite mysterious, and slightly pitiful how his attention could switch from one thing to another in the course of a split half of a millisecond, or even less. It was also silly how that then caught attention didn’t last long on the interesting thing he was supposed to have blown another object off for. He just had a rather short attention span, though not with conversations. Conversations were different after all. They changed all the time. One moment someone could be talking about a music tour, the next about... people who wanted your babies? That was quite a radical change to a conversational topic. ”The weirdest fan mail I have ever received included a girl’s, or at least I hope they were girl’s, underwear. You can imagine pulling those out on a tour bus.”[/color] It had taken him weeks to live down the shame and amusement, though it was his turn to laugh when it finally happened to a band mate. And he had played the joke up to its full advantage. Not because he liked to make fun of people, but because it was more like revenge. Payback if you will. ”See, no offence intended towards your beliefs, but I personally cannot abide that. I find it stupid, idiotic and immature. I realise this may actually seem offending to you, but for one cheap night of fun, it does not seem quite right. There could also be long lasting things, such as pregnancy or diseases. I do not want to run the risk.”[/color]

After making his small speech, he leaned back, cocking his head at the other. He was wondering what the reaction would be. Now, Kalle had never been one of the people to think before he spoke. He just let his thoughts come out of his mouth, and that happened quite often. Sometimes it didn’t cause much of a reaction, other times it had caused rifts that were harder to heal than what they should have been due to his careless, insensitive comments. Another thought struck him. ”I am not suggesting you are able to get pregnant by the way.”[/color] Satisfied, he leant back in his chair, poking the unappetising mass of fluff with the oval part of his spoon. They looked even worse when they had all kind of melted on the side of his plate. He frowned in disdain, picking up his cup and draining the last few drops of liquid, dabbing at his sculpted mouth then with a napkin. ”Caught up in the music. It happens. You play bass, am I right?”[/color] he questioned, almost one hundred percent sure he was. Despite only knowing Zadyr by sight, he usually did watch the other bands on stage, finding it immensely satisfying when the other’s did good and made the tour look good itself. While his band mates were wishing for the others to do less well than their own band, Kalle was wanting them to make a stunning performance, just to simply help out the tour.

He didn’t really care for band rivalry, which was where it all wrapped up to. In the music business, you took what true friends you could, and if it was frowned upon because you were from different bands, well that was stupid. It was hard to find honest people, and you could be missing out on one just because of this stupid thing. But, he had seen Zadyr on stage with a bass, so he seemed to play that instrument. ”It is no problem love. And I can guess you do not care much for tour buses either”[/color] he laughed, the melodic sound carrying over to a few pairs of ears around the coffee place. His laugh was not so much of a sound than a song, lifting moods quite instantly. The few things he was famous for, apart from the most obvious (the being a vocalist) were his honey sweet laugh, his eyes, and a few other things. And no, none of them dirty. As stated before, he didn’t believe in that stuff. ”They are not exactly the most comfortable of all sleeping positions”[/color] he shrugged in agreement. He had no qualms about being overheard. Kalle, same with the whole saying things before he thought them over, didn’t much care about what the consequences of his words were. Cranium was tossed to the side as he rested back, the last few questions making him think.

First, he replied to the others ecstatic tones, another soft laugh enveloping his lips and being released as the other seemed so enthusiastic about this conversation. It made a refreshing change; someone actually wanting to speak to him. ”You definitely seem most excited about the whole thing. The tiring hours have not worn you down yet, I see darling.”[/color] Tapping his finger on the table, he pondered over his next few answers. Why didn’t he talk to people? It was most likely an insecurity complex. The first time he had ever properly conversed with someone, he ended up stabbing her hand with a pencil in ‘self defence’. Hence the whole having a psychologist following him around. Checking his watch, he was glad to see there was plenty of time before Veera returned from her shop. He hoped she got something nice for her niece, she seemed a nice kid the first time he had met her. ”I have been on a few tours, yes. This is the largest I have been in on however, as the others were just continental. As for the not speaking, I truthfully do not really know. I have a... problem, which makes my being unpredictable and strange, and I find it easier not to talk to people and have them thinking horrible thoughts about me.”[/color] He said this, licking his suddenly dry lappets quickly. Now was the time when this kid quickly ran off, making some excuse, and he was left to wallow here in stupid self pity.

Oh, how hated that emotion was. It made him feel he wasn’t worthy of human contact or anything of that sort. However, this male seemed to be pretty interested, if his gestures and lightened tone had anything to do with it. Another chuckle escaped unbidden from his larynx, throat muscles constricting to make such a sound appear. Yes, he was pretty strange, and he admitted that. He just didn’t like it when people pointed it out cruelly to him. He had enough insecurities without some idiots making them worse.
[/center]
word count: 1,102
music: Bedshaped - Keane
note: long time, short, and large apologies
tag: zadyr ~
[/color][/size][/font]

[zadyr]

{ and if you see me please just walk on by }

FAILED ATTEMPTS AT LIVING SIMPLE LIVES
are what keep me coming back to you !

Zadyr scrunched his nose slightly, a little put off by his statements. It seemed weird to him that someone like Kalle, or really anyone in their position and status would not want that attention and act out in these ways. He couldn't wrap his brain around the idea of someone disagreeing with sleeping around and having their nights of fun. Then again, this was the only way he knew how to behave, he wasn't a well mannered kid after all. This was all he knew and all he really wanted to know. What else was there anyway? He couldn't have a real relationship while on the road like this, and on that note he has never had a relationship that was at all functional or that lasted more than a couple months. He eventually shrugged it off, Kalle probably had just out grown his party phase and his 'let's sleep around' phase too. This wasn't actually as surprising the more he thought about it, how old was Kalle anyway? Zadyr wasn't sure, but he knew the other had been around the block a good few more times than he had. This meant he was most likely beyond that crazy stage that every rocker goes through – some never leave, where you just go back to focusing on the music and not let all of the lime light get to you. This was where Zadyr was stuck right now, so maybe he was just talking about himself.

The blue haired teen shifted and nodded after his few moments of intense thoughts. ”Well, to each his own.” He managed a half grin, showing he wasn't all that upset over the others statements. Why should he be afterall? It was his opinion and in the end, they were only words and Zadyr still had the option of doing whatever he wanted. He took another small drink from his coffee and glanced out the window at his lingering fans. This brought back his more reassured and steady flirtacious grin. It livened his mood before he got a chance to grin wider at Kalles then statement. At his comment on pregnancy, Zadyr laughed and shook his head. Holding an amused expression, he replied lightly, ”If I was able to be pregnant, you can bet your ass I wouldn't be hittin' up with any fans. Jeez, that would suck so bad!” He was obviously glad to be a guy at that point, that much was clear. When Kalle spoke again, Zadyr quirked a brow before nodding mutely and taking another drink before speaking again. ”Yeah, I'm the bassist for Who Killed Marilyn.” He was naturally curious about Kalle's band and everything having to do with it. But his curiosity was muted and he didn't ask in return. Zadyr figured, if Kalle wanted to tell him, he would find out eventually. Either that or as soon as he got back to the bus, look the guy up on the internet. Either way worked for him.

Tiring hours? Oh hell no, this kid was thriving most days and nights. Its just lately he's been partying more than usual and the stress of being over seas and being on an international tour. Its all a lot to absorb at this point in his young life. He honestly never thought in all his eighteen years he would be this successful, ever. He shook his head and smiled lightly, ”Oh no, I'm enjoying all of the late nights and parties and concerts and meet and greets. This is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and if I have to take caffeine pills to stay awake and lively for it all – so be it.” He laughed a little more and widened his smile. He was excited by all of this touring and all the different places they will be playing live and meeting fans in places he never thought he'd ever see. This was awesome on so many levels for him, being the wide eyes and surprisingly naïve eighteen year old he really is.

Though when Kalle talked about his reasoning for not talking and being 'strange', Zadyr paused and his features shifted to be more visibly uneasy. What did he mean by this? He shifted his shoulders and in his seat now as he tried to keep himself from squirming. He blinked curiously and looked over Kalle in hopes of gathering more information before speaking. ”I don't understand... what kind of problem? Like, a weird fetish or something?” He was only slightly serious, the fetish part was a joke to keep himself from being rude. He had no idea what Kalle was talking about but was genuinely curious about what it was he was talking about that kept him from talking and hanging out with people. Anger issues? He blinked again and took another small drink from his cooling coffee.

word count: short.
music: watching the news.
notes: >.< real life stuff has killed my muse.
tag: kalle ![/size][/blockquote]

[luni]

Save your happiness for tomorrow,

[/i]
And today we’ll drown in your tears.[/color][/b][/size][/font]

---

There came the dreaded question. What kind of a problem? Whenever he let it slip that he had one, though he called it a condition, people always wanted to know what it was. It was silly, in his opinion. Why did people want to know something that did not concern them? A sigh left his porcelain lips, glancing regretfully at his empty cup. Motioning with his hand, he waited for the waitress to approach before ordering another drink of the same he had earlier, this time requesting no marshmallows as they would only be wasted upon him and his particular tastes. Giving her the money at the start, though she said to go up to the till afterwards (he insisted; he had a feeling he might have to make a quick getaway after this), he turned back to the other, pondering on how to answer.

If only it was just a weird fetish. That, as usual, made his thoughts take a different turn. If he did have a fetish, what fetish would it be? He knew there were many strange and weird ones out there, to be exemplary. Some people were fascinated by feet. Thinking to himself, he mentally shook his head. No, he wouldn’t have a foot fetish. Maybe fur. It was soft, but then again, he didn’t like the fact that it was made out of fur. That sounded kind of ironic; of course fur was made out of fur. But he didn’t like the thought that it was made, and taken from animals. And faux fur just made him want to laugh out loud. Maybe a fetish with necks then. Out of the three, that one seemed the most likely, mainly because it seemed the most normal one, despite the fact that fetishes weren’t that normal anyway. Still, he couldn’t imagine himself with one, and none of partners that he had been with before had seemed to. At least, none of them had revealed it.

”Most definitely a fetish. I am partial to whipped cream myself”[/color] he laughed, the humour in his tone showing quite clearly that he was joking. Like he had just mulled over in his mind, he didn’t have one. Before he could get caught in the ridiculous and slightly disturbing thoughts again, his drink was brought over. Thanking the waitress with a wink, he watched as she flustered off. She seemed to be in her early twenties, and had seemed to recognise him. People older than the younger teens usually recognised him. The band he played in had an audience of mainly seventeen to thirty year olds; it was young enough yet mellow enough to appeal to older generations also. Thankfully, his drink didn’t have the floating little squishy things in it this time. Taking a sip, he studied the other male, calm jade occuli taking in his electric blue hair. ”The hair is an interesting phenomenon”[/color] he noted, placing down the cup and leaning back a little.

Now, what to say. If only he had gone with the fetish plan. Kalle mentally weighed up his options. There were basically two; tell him, or don’t.

Telling him didn’t seem like a good idea. He might cause a scene, he might tell a lot of people, he might treat the older male like someone challenged in the head. As well as all this, he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone about his condition. It just wasn’t advised, and even Kalle saw the truth in that. Stirring the chocolately liquid, he stared into its calming depths. No, telling him didn’t seem to be the answer. He didn’t even know Zadyr, he didn’t trust him, he had never even talked to the guy before. It was not a good idea to tell him anything personal to himself at all.

Not telling him seemed the only way to go. But how should he cover up for his slip up? That was the problem. As he mulled over it, half of his drink was consumed, elbows resting on the table slightly rudely. It wasn’t good manners apparently, but it was a habit of his. Eventually deciding on his answer, he thought he had chosen the best route. Creep the kid out so he didn’t feel like talking to him again. It wasn’t very nice, and it stopped Kalle from making a new friend, yes, but sacrifices had to be made if he wanted to keep his secret. What he was going to say was obviously not true, but perhaps the way he put it and the fact that he had chosen to say it, as well as the actions, would shove any curiosity away and make the boy leave.

It wasn’t that Kalle wanted him to leave, because he didn’t. He enjoyed talking and discussing things with people, but it would just be simpler and less dangerous’ for both of them. He leaned across the table, porcelain hand finding the other’s chin and dropping his facade to less than a few inches away. ”Darling, I am a vampire”[/color] he said, slightly seductively before pressing a small kiss to the other’s smooth cheek. Drawing back, he looked away, sipping his drink as if the other had already left. Even he wouldn’t stay if some random person did that. It was as if he had already decided that Zadyr was leaving. That was his mistake. If he had kept up the creepy game a few moments longer, Zadyr would undoubtedly been freaked out enough to leave. But Kalle’s casual pose as he looked out of the window made it pretty obvious he was just hiding the truth with his words.
[/center]
word count: 939
music: Moment - Aiden
note: long wait once again. sorry. and kalle isn’t really this creepy xD
tag: zadyr ~
[/color][/size][/font]